Day 2: Setting Goals for Happiness

This quote brings me a lot of comfort. At 29 (almost 30) it is a scary feeling to feel like you are "starting over". To go from having everything figured out to being thrust into feelings of inadequacy and fear. I went from knowing (or thinking I knew) what I wanted to being completely confused and feeling out of control. 

Goal setting is one of my favorite things to do because you can set goals for the short term or the long term. For the near future or the distant future. The world becomes your playground with an infinite amount of possibilities. 

The goals I am setting this year are specifically designed to help me reach my ultimate level of happiness. Not only allowing me to be happy, but to allow me to help others be happy as well. And hopefully to find an overall happier sense of being.

Goal 1: Get a gym membership

This seems cliche'. I know, I know, but the reasoning behind this go a lot deeper than the typical "New Year, New Me" nonsense that you see in January. This particular goal is to give me an outlet to work out any stress I may have pent up, to allow me to feel better about myself, and to allow me to spend time with people outside of work or home. My cousin, Loren, mentioned that she wanted to get a gym membership, but would only actually go if someone would agree to go with her. I instantly felt the pull that I should be that person. Being 12 years older than her, I see her more as a little sister than a cousin and I enjoy getting to spend time with her. I'm closer in age to her older sisters, so she and I are not as close as I am with the older ones. I'd like to use this time to get to know her better and spend some major quality time, all the while getting myself into better shape and letting go of all the hurt I have had bottled up. (I've also always been told that the best revenge is to show them what they are missing out on.)

***Goal 1 is underway. I am now a proud black card holder at Planet Fitness***

Goal 2: Try something new once a month

I am a creature of habit. I tend to eat at the same places, go to the same places, and very rarely break routine of any kind. I also tend to not do things if I have to go alone. I don't know what it is about me, but I find comfort being surrounded by other people. Now don't get me wrong, I am open to most things..but not when I have to go alone. However, it's time I take action and stop missing out on things because I feel self conscious about being alone. There are  a lot of people in the same boat and I am no longer going to let that fear keep me from doing new things. I want to try something new once a month, whether it be a restaurant, going to a new store, trying a new food, lipstick, clothing item, etc. One new thing a month will open me up to 12 new things in a year. It's time I embraced it. 

Goal 3: Stop Dwelling in the Past: It only destroys my future

This is more of a personal goal for myself because I tend to harbor feelings inside and I rarely say things. I keep it bottled up and replay it over and over again looking for a new ending or solution. This is not only unhealthy, but it keeps me from trusting people and building new relationships. I have got to let go of the past so I can move on into my future.

Goal 4: Say something nice to someone everyday (and mean it)

My parents always taught me to be nice to people. To compliment them and make them feel good about themselves. It comes naturally to me to talk and make conversation with people, even when I really don't want to. However, sometimes when I feel like there is too much silence I will compliment someone just to make conversation and won't mean it. I hate doing that and I want to make sure when I say something nice it's because I mean it, not to just make conversation. 

Goal 5: It's okay to say "NO" sometimes

I am a very nice person and everyone who knows me would consider me helpful. However, this does not work out to my advantage because sometimes I get taken advantage of because I feel like I can't say no. I'll kill myself trying to do for others and a lot of times I get the short end of the stick. I know I need to work on saying "No" and asserting my authority and meaning it. This is the time to do it. 

These are just a few of the goals I have set for myself. Of course there are many more I'm not ready to share, but I think that this is a good start. What are YOUR goals for the new year? Share with me in the comments. I'd love to have some new ideas. 

Meeting Goals and Taking Names,

Jana

Finding My Happy: A Back Story

Today began a brand new year. A brand new 365 days to make changes and to try harder to become the person I have always wanted to be. A chance to let all of the old things go and focus on the new things that life has in store.

If I'm honest, my 2015 was less than stellar. I started my new year crying my eyes out because my boyfriend of 8 1/2 years was out with other people (I was working) and then didn't want to come see me to ring in the new year because it was "inconvenient and selfish" of me to ask him to do that. I woke up that morning to flowers and an apology, but the words still burned. Moving forward to February, I got swept off the course of my first half marathon and then listened to said boyfriend whine about how I didn't give it my all and that he was disappointed in me...all the while we are in Disney and he "didn't want to be there". On top of all of the bad going on in my relationship, I was dealing with a job I was miserable at. So much so that I was drinking heavily to cope and was suffering panic attacks and severe anxiety as a result.

I made the decision to leave my job at the end of the school year and was met with arguments from my family and significant other because I didn't have another job lined up. This only added to the growing dread I had. Then it all finally culminated on May 5, 2015 when my boyfriend of almost 9 years decided it was time to part ways. I was completely blindsided and found myself destroyed.

I was miserable, sad, and had gained close to 50lbs. I felt like I had no one to talk to and that nobody could understand the pain I was feeling. I had also turned in my job resignation and a 60 day notice to my apartment complex. Now I had to be ready to move, find a new job, and pack up 9 years of memories of a man I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. To say I was overwhelmed was an understatement. It was probably the lowest period of my life I can recall.

I moved back home with my parents in July and was grateful to find a new job that has turned out to be a blessing in disguise. It seemed like things were starting to finally look up and I was going to be okay, but that's when my ex moved closer and he asked that I come around. We began to work on reconciling, but that all ended when he started dating a girl from his hometown. Needless to say, I was sad, heartbroken, and devastated. And I just couldn't heal the way I knew I needed to.

I went on a few dates in hopes that it would help me move on, but when you are with someone for 9 years, you have a hard time accepting someone else. I have thankfully met a wonderful man who has two sweet little girls, but right now we are only friends. Neither of us are quite ready for any kind of commitment. I'm keeping my options open and am looking forward to finding a love for the ages. The next man I date seriously will hopefully be the one I am lucky enough to marry.

Let's move on to present day...

Last night I rang in 2016 with one of my best friends! We went to the Beau Rivage in Biloxi, MS and saw the Molly Ringwalds. (80's cover band) We sang, we danced, and we toasted with champagne at midnight. It was the first time I can remember being genuinely happy in a long time. We both yelled "Suck it 2015" as the clock struck midnight. I felt so free at that moment and I knew that everything would be okay. 2016 is going to be my year!

I'm looking forward to what 2016 has in store and to leaving all the hurt and disappointments of 2015 in the past.

Cheers,
Jana