If I'm honest, my 2015 was less than stellar. I started my new year crying my eyes out because my boyfriend of 8 1/2 years was out with other people (I was working) and then didn't want to come see me to ring in the new year because it was "inconvenient and selfish" of me to ask him to do that. I woke up that morning to flowers and an apology, but the words still burned. Moving forward to February, I got swept off the course of my first half marathon and then listened to said boyfriend whine about how I didn't give it my all and that he was disappointed in me...all the while we are in Disney and he "didn't want to be there". On top of all of the bad going on in my relationship, I was dealing with a job I was miserable at. So much so that I was drinking heavily to cope and was suffering panic attacks and severe anxiety as a result.
I made the decision to leave my job at the end of the school year and was met with arguments from my family and significant other because I didn't have another job lined up. This only added to the growing dread I had. Then it all finally culminated on May 5, 2015 when my boyfriend of almost 9 years decided it was time to part ways. I was completely blindsided and found myself destroyed.
I was miserable, sad, and had gained close to 50lbs. I felt like I had no one to talk to and that nobody could understand the pain I was feeling. I had also turned in my job resignation and a 60 day notice to my apartment complex. Now I had to be ready to move, find a new job, and pack up 9 years of memories of a man I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. To say I was overwhelmed was an understatement. It was probably the lowest period of my life I can recall.
I moved back home with my parents in July and was grateful to find a new job that has turned out to be a blessing in disguise. It seemed like things were starting to finally look up and I was going to be okay, but that's when my ex moved closer and he asked that I come around. We began to work on reconciling, but that all ended when he started dating a girl from his hometown. Needless to say, I was sad, heartbroken, and devastated. And I just couldn't heal the way I knew I needed to.
I went on a few dates in hopes that it would help me move on, but when you are with someone for 9 years, you have a hard time accepting someone else. I have thankfully met a wonderful man who has two sweet little girls, but right now we are only friends. Neither of us are quite ready for any kind of commitment. I'm keeping my options open and am looking forward to finding a love for the ages. The next man I date seriously will hopefully be the one I am lucky enough to marry.
Let's move on to present day...
Last night I rang in 2016 with one of my best friends! We went to the Beau Rivage in Biloxi, MS and saw the Molly Ringwalds. (80's cover band) We sang, we danced, and we toasted with champagne at midnight. It was the first time I can remember being genuinely happy in a long time. We both yelled "Suck it 2015" as the clock struck midnight. I felt so free at that moment and I knew that everything would be okay. 2016 is going to be my year!
I'm looking forward to what 2016 has in store and to leaving all the hurt and disappointments of 2015 in the past.
Cheers,
Jana
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