So...I did a thing...
A thing I didn't tell anyone about until after I was already there to do the thing...
The thing that had been planned for over a year and I didn't mention it to anyone in hopes they wouldn't remember in case I failed yet again...
The thing that made me one of the happiest girls in the world because regardless of my failure of said thing...I still accomplished a great deal more than I ever thought I could or would.
Hopefully by this time I have your attention enough to tell you what "thing" I'm talking about. I'm talking about running in the Disney Half Marathon in Walt Disney World in Orlando, FL.
Last year in February I attempted the Princess Half Marathon in Disney. I trained for it and on race day I wasn't able to make it much further than 12K before I got swept off the course by the elusive "Balloon Ladies" I was sad and devastated to say the least, and having a boyfriend who made me feel bad about myself for not finishing only added to the devastation. I lost all confidence in myself that day and it really took a toll on my running after that point. I couldn't motivate myself anymore. I let myself go. All the work I had put in over the last 8 months had been for nothing. I was nothing. I was a failure.
The decision to get up and run that morning had not come very easily. I had a lot of encouragement from my friend Brittany who was there to run the full marathon. She told me I didn't have to run, but she didn't want me to regret not doing it later. She left the decision up to me. So at 2:30AM, I was up getting dressed and ready to catch the bus to the race.
Dressed as "Wendy" to Brittany's "Peter Pan"
I rode to the starting line by myself. I sat alone on the bus and I just let my thoughts run wild. "What happens if I don't finish again?" "Could I finish with almost no training?" "Why am I so scared?" I didn't have the answers, but I knew I was supposed to be at that race regardless.
Fast forward to the present and I was struggling to breathe as I walked to corral N for my race. I followed the familiar path to the same corral I had been in the year before. I felt the same twinge of fear as I had when I hadn't finished the year before. I could feel those same feelings creeping up and I forced myself to swallow them down so they wouldn't consume me.
When I got to my corral I immediately moved as far to the front as I could. I had learned from my previous race you wanted to be as close to the front of your corral as possible so that you could get a good start. The further back in the corral, the less time you would have on the course. I found a spot almost next to the starting line of the corral and sat down. That's where I met Kaitlyn. She was 22 and it was her very first half marathon. Her boyfriend was in Corral E and he had lost over 200lbs through diet and exercise. She herself had lost 75 with his encouragement and she had trained with him for the race. We struck up a conversation and I filled her in on everything I knew about the race, including the balloon ladies.
We started running around 6:15AM and around mile 4 I could tell she wasn't feeling it. I slowed down my pace to offer some encouragement. I told her at mile 6 we would be running into Magic Kingdom and she HAD to make it there. As we passed mile 5, her boyfriend passed us running towards the finish! She was so excited to see him that she picked up her speed. She and I were going to do this! By this point I was dealing with severe blisters on the balls of my feet. I continued to push through the pain because I knew I could do it if I could get back up to speed.
The rest of my race was a back and forth between "Ouch my foot hurts" and "Keep going, we got this" Kaitlyn thanked me repeatedly for sticking with her and at almost the 15K mark, we were finally unable to maintain the pace anymore and were swept from the course. For me, being swept wasn't a huge deal. I had done it before. I knew you still got your medal and I knew that no matter what I had beaten my previous distance by almost 2 miles. The first time I got swept and got my medal I was ashamed to wear it because I didn't feel I had deserved it, but this time I felt completely different. I was up at 2:30AM to do something most people wouldn't even try...and I ALMOST finished! I wore that medal with pride and a smile.
When we got back to the starting area (they bus you back) we received our medals and a box of snacks. I wasn't feeling really well by the time we got back and prayed the entire time back to the resort I wasn't going to be sick. (I did end up getting sick later on in the day, but I think I pushed myself too hard and didn't hydrate enough.)
Brittany was such an amazing encourager and she made sure I felt good about myself and about what I had accomplished. I did more this time than I did last time AND I didn't train. I rewarded myself with a shower and a nap while B went to the expo to get her race packet. We spent the rest of the day relaxing, eating, and letting me recover.
I can't explain how happy I felt at the moment that I got my medal. I was overcome with emotion. Not because I didn't finish, but because I had the courage to try. I didn't give up and I didn't let "me" get in my head. It was a feeling of healing and a feeling of power. It's a feeling I hope to feel again when I finally do accomplish my very first half marathon.
Off to find some more happy...
Jana
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